Or one of the questions. You know the "BIG" questions in life, starting early with what do you want to be when you grow up? Then it progresses to where are you going to college? And, finally, the REALLY tough questions like is he "the one", when are you getting married, and when do you want kids?
I always hated these questions, for a couple of different reasons really. First, I always felt like I didn't really know. I mean, do you really have to decide your forever career at the ripe old age of 7? Or even 18? How do I know what I want to be? Or is he "the one"? What is "the one"? And how the heck am I supposed to know when I have nothing to compare him to? I mean it feels right, but what if I think he's "the one" and I tell everyone that he's "the one" and he's not? Obviously, he was "the one", although I don't really believe in "the one". I believe that you become "the one" together as the years pass, but anyways.... The second reason that I always hated these questions was that it seemed like just about the time everyone started asking them, I started having to ANSWER them! Not just for the other people, but for myself too. You know, those conversations you start having with yourself in bed. They went something like this: "Maybe we should start trying for a baby. I mean I know some people who have taken up to 5 years to get pregnant. What if we wait a long time and then we can't get pregnant? But then what if we decide to start trying, expecting it to take 6 months to a year and we get pregnant right away? Are we ready for this yet?"
Lately I've been feeling like it's that BIG question time again. "When are you going to give Aubrey a sister or brother?" AHHHH....Already?! Do I really have to think about this already? But then the conversations with myself have begun. "Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to start trying. I mean it took us 7 months last time and then 9 months of pregnancy. That's another 16 months, which will put Aubrey at about 3 years old." I don't want my kids to be too far apart, but the idea of having TWO is scary! Scary for a couple of reasons.
1. Being pregnant was fun, but only for about 4 months. You know the 4 in between the "so sick that I pop a blood vessel in my eye" first 3 months and the "so huge that I can barely walk on my thankles" last 2 months. So that leaves me with 5 months of misery trying to care for poor little Aubrey. Seeing cute pregnant ladies like Justin's cousin Annie and my friend Lisa, gives me a slight inkling of inspiration. Then, unfortunately, I see pictures of myself looking like this. And well the illusion of cute pregnancy quickly fades away!!! Disclaimer: this is me 1 week before giving birth to a 9lb 14oz baby in the heat of Bakersfield. I actually was checked into the hospital for false labor on this exact day, hence the look of pain on my face.
2. Can I really keep up on all the laundry? I feel like I'm drowning in it already.
3. Am I ready to share my attention with two? I love being able to spoil Aubrey with mommy love and I'm not sure I'll have enough to go around.
4. Did I mention the laundry? or the misery of pregnancy?
So that, my friends, is my dillema. To be or not to be? I really need to start thinking about this, because I don't want another end of summer baby. If I wanted a spring baby for long term sub purposes, I'd have to start trying now. YIKES! I'm scaring myself.
15 comments:
These are hard questions that only you and Justin and the Lord can get the answers too. You are an awesome mom, and Aubrey is such a loved child that I really could imagine you guys adding another one soon! 2 is scary for a few months but now its so fun. Just wait till you see Aubrey hug her sibling. We are trying again-crazy I know. We even are starting up the fertility drugs this month! Pregnancy does scare me though, the puking, the shots in my stomach, and my all around grouchiness-but hey its worth it in the end!
PS-You can still spoil Aubrey-look at my kids!
Aw Barbie- I'm so glad you posted about this. It's a hard one! REALLY hard. I'm in favor of our first pregnancies being the worst ones- is that possible?? I know someday we're going to look back though at the spacing of our kiddos and think, wow- I'd want it no other way.
This is so funny that you posted this, because I know that you said that you are not sure you are ready for kids yet. Kurt and I were talking about when we were going to have kids.. and I said to him, well maybe when Barbie is ready to have another one maybe we will have one together.. but man that was really fast... I might have to retract my previous statement LOL
Anna, you are ambitious! I didn't know you were trying again. Hopefully it happens quick than last time. (Not that this busy bee seasons is condusive to "trying" :) )
Thanks Meg, I'm sure I will think it's perfect. Yeah, I'm hoping the next pregnancy goes as smooth as Christy's first. (really stinking smooth)
Alisha- LOL, you crack me up, girly! I would love to have babies at the same time because I LOVED growing up with my cousins that were my age. So how long are you thinkin'? I can put it off for a while ;)
I hated those questions too! I was so sure in my answer though...I knew it would take at least 7 months to get pregnant with Ethan. Boy was I wrong! 3 months and "HELLO...we're going to have a baby!" God knows what is best and when you do get pregnant it will be perfect timing.
LOL oh I dont know.. I didn't really think about it. I figured we had time.. but shoot. ;) Man, I have only been married a month and now you put those dang questions in my head.
I am giving you the cliche christian answer just pray about it: God is this the time now? And he will give you peace about it or not...really its not about laundry or summer babys...although those are the "little things" (that can feel like big things) that we need to surrender to God daily-these thoughts, frustrations and desires-but the reality is God knows, he has a plan for you to raise a family who will bring glory to his name, and only he knows the time...so if you are asking and you have peace I say start trying!! Also side note I have heard a lot of moms old and young say that they felt the same exact way about number two...do I have enough love, can I keep up .... Lastly I can totally relate to your thoughts on those questions...but honestly I have asked them to countless others!!! Love Misha
You will never be able to keep up with all the laundry, just ask this mother of four. And yet somehow life is still ok.
The only time I cried in labor, ever, was when I was laboring with Graham (my 2nd). It wasn't because of the pain, it was because I missed Malachi and I knew I wasn't going home to just him. You can't know this until you actually experience it, but not only can you love each child as much as the first, you will realize that you did your first a huge favor by giving her siblings to love! (And fight with but hey, that gives them good character too LOL)
Everyone else is right, though. Pray about it, especially with Justin, and you'll come up with the right timing.
GO FOR IT! You don't have to ask me twice what I think about wearing support hose in the Bakersfield heat! Go for a spring baby for sure and stay nice and cool during the winter!
oh gosh. I know the feeling. Especially of late, laying in bed thinking, planning, re-planning, scaring myself, getting excited, and then scared again.
Like Misha said. I'd pray about it, see what God has in plan for you.
And as for the laundry...well there is no remedy except to join a nudist colony. And that's just gross.
I think when the time is right you will know it, I so remember all the fears and worrying about how can I love another child, when I love my baby so much, but your love just continues to grow, heck I am crazy, having number 4 on FRIDAY!!! I have worries still about Sean not being the baby anymore, and how will he adjust, but I know that it will work out, God's comforting, and he never gives you more than you can handle!!
Milena told me once that if you can, the greatest gift you can give your child is a sibling. It teaches them to love in a way our lectures never could. It gives them a pal to share their life with. It's a constant lesson in empathy, service, selflessness, connectedness. As for the timing, who knows?! I have two 4 years apart and the next gap is 20 months. There is a pro and con with everything...and something unique and wonderful about both!
boy, i took a day or so off blogging and missed the post of the century!!!Wow you are honest. I remember after I had Calvin I was soooo not ready for a 3rd and kept saying "heck no" to anyone who dared asked the question. Then over-night I had baby fever and a month or 2 later I was pregnant with Ollie. So, I always wait for baby fever to strike, but that's just me!!!
Hmm... I've had baby fever since about 2 minutes after they sucked Sam right out of me. Lately it has gotten worse, as I've taken several negative pregnancy tests, and as more and more people have asked me the big "when" question regarding a brother or sister for Sammy. More and more I'm realizing that when I tell people, "a couple of years..." in my head I'm really hoping that is a lie.
I guess like so many people have said... just pray about it, see if you have peace about it. Then again, I didn't pray about having Sam, and after the initial week-long shock of a surprise pregnancy, I definetly had a peace about it... so who am I to give any advice about to how prepare for a pregnancy since I about crapped my pants when I found out that I was!? :)
And although I adored being prego, I realize this isn't everyone's favorite part of life... but remember, those five miserable months lead to years and years of bliss with a beautiful child! :)
Okay Barbie...I love reading your blog because you write things that I often think! I can very much relate to your prego picture, as this is the stage I'm at right now. I just hope I can get number two out at this point! Pregnancy isn't as glamourous as it appears in the magazines (at least for me), but I think Aubrey will be a great big sister and Brooklyn and Grady can use another cousin!
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