If life were the game of Survivor, raising children would be the ultimate challenge. It's a physical challenge, an endurance challenge, and most of all, a puzzle challenge. Trying to figure out what works for each individual child, what doesn't and how to untangle all the messes you made trying to figure out the solution in the first place is what it's all about. Here I am only in the "first round" of this ultimate challenge, and already I find myself trying to see the big picture-- trying to figure out how all these ornate puzzle pieces fit together. I worry that if I start putting the wrong pieces in now, then the ones later on won't fit. I find myself untangling already.
As Aubrey is at the age where I'm signing her up for organized activities like dance and sports, etc., I find myself analyzing what "her thing" might be. I know my girl. I know she's strong willed, a perfectionist, a "bosser" (as she would say), an independent worker, not a fan of large groups, and yet I keep signing her up for group activities. She's not a fan....and yet I keep trying to make that piece fit. What is my deal?? I think it's because she's so young, and I'm so social. I figure she'll get the hang of it, but she doesn't. IT'S THE WRONG STINKING PIECE! She didn't like MyGym. She doesn't really like the group aspects of church. She's not a fan of dance class (especially when the entire group of kids went on stage for the finale...yoi, the girl was petrified). She doesn't even really like playgroups when there are a lot of people. I'm sick of feeling bad as I watch her, KNOWING that she feels like a fish out of water. Why do I keep trying to make the piece fit??
I guess it's all part of the challenge. It's not like she's got a college scholarship depending on her success in activities at this age, but I do what her to SUCCEED. I want her to feel like she's doing "her thing", like it (she) FITS. I want her character to be developed. Her strengths to be used. I want Aubrey to feel secure and comfortable. She's already being streched in preschool, so I want her to do something she REALLY loves and looks forward to. I know I don't have to figure out that thing, "her thing", right now, but I'd like to at least find activities that she's happier doing. Some activities I may give a try in the future: an instrument, art, swimming, softball, etc. Something that doesn't require too much group activity.
I love my little independent girl and all her puzzling ways. Until we figure out "her thing", I guess she'll just have to accompany her daddy. The next American Idol, perhaps?! LOL
5 comments:
Courtney froze for her first TWO dance shows, now she's tapping up a storm. I think you shouldn't look at it as "finding her thing" but rather you are teaching her not to hide out in her house where it's "safe" but to talk to kids, be with kids, etc. She's learning how to deal with people, and it has to be stressful for her because she's with other kids who aren't good at the socialization stuff either. (unlike her Mom) Eventually she'll feel secure but if you stop taking her to stuff she wins. It's all about socialization and just experiencing life. Know what I mean? By the way, I'm taking my own advice and putting Liam in Taekwondo for the summer. EEKS!
Aw, this post made me tear up. I understand how you are feeling.
I was always very free-spirited and ditzy and happy as a child and loved to laugh with all my little friends. My boys are the opposite of me and I just scratch my head and think "I don't know how to help ya!" In life it all boils down to the same thing-- BALANCE{now I am preaching to myself too} I think it's fine to stretch Aubrey a little here and there, but it's also fine to let her do her own thing too!
I agree with Davi...balance is important. I want to stretch Hudson to be more social, but I have to remember that he is still little and I don't want to stress him out...I think some of it is about timing and making sure what I'm doing is right for HIM. If I take him to a playdate at the park at 10:30 wearing the baby in the sling, that is all about ME...because he will be getting tired and he doesn't really like to play with other kids in that kind of setting. He wants my attention, when I'm just going because I want to talk to other moms. So I've had to step back and make sure that my motivation is really about him! (not that it's bad to have mommy time, I just need to do it some other way!)
Good luck...being a mom is hard work!
Parenting is a huge puzzle and just when you think you have them figured out they change. I say just try things when she is a bit older. Maggie was still a surly, shy child at that age, now she wants to be in everything, go to everything, talk to everyone, etc. They change so much! Just watch Juliet will be miss social!
I love this post, because I think almost every parent can relate to this! I really struggle sometime with this, especially having three little girls who are all so different from each other. It's only by God's grace that I'll be able to figure this all out. :)
you're doing a great job with your Aubrey.
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