Sometimes I feel like Punchinello

Most of my life I've been a gold star kind of girl. School was easy for me. I was blessed with good friends. I was a hard worker. I was the easier child to raise. And with every gold star I got, I was inspired to do better, work harder, be more. I needed those gold stars. I was dependent on others' praise.

Enter adulthood. Things were different. Marriage and motherhood were so much bigger than a history class or lifeguarding job. I had never had a good example of a healthy marriage. I wanted to be a gold star wife, but I wasn't sure how. And motherhood...well, nothing can prepare you for the work, the love, the desire to doing everything "right" for your child. I have all these expectations for myself, and I often come up short.

As if my own expectations aren't enough, I often feel consumed by others' opinions. I analyze what they say, what I say, what my children do, what they don't do. And I feel like there are gray dots everywhere {even when there aren't}. I think part of it is this cyber world we live in; a perfect platform for gold stars and gray dots. Part of it is the fact that everyone has an opinion about what we should and should not do to raise our children "right". And the majority of it, is the fact that I'm seeking praise from the wrong place.

I'm tired of it. Tired of worrying about the gold stars and gray dots. Tired of feeling like I've failed when my child doesn't act exactly like I want her to. Tired of making excuses. Tired of judging others. Tired of worrying about others judging me. And as I was wrestling with all these feelings, I realized the problem. I was too much like Punchinello. I cared about what "they" thought of me. I was allowing the gold stars and gray dots to stick. I was handing out gray dots and gold stars. No more.

Punchinello slowly turned around and looked at the large bearded craftsman and said, "Sir, you know my name?" "Of course I do. I made you," Eli said. All of a sudden, Eli stooped down and picked little Punchinello up and set him on the workbench. "Hmmmmm," the Maker spoke thoughtfully as he inspected the gray circles all over him, "Looks like you've been given some bad marks." Punchinello explained,"Oh, Eli, I didn't mean to; really I didn't!!! I really tried hard not to." The Maker said, "Oh, you don't have to defend yourself to me, my child. I don't care what the other Wemmicks think." Punchinello asked, "Really? You don't?" Then Eli said, "No and you shouldn't either. Who are they to give stars or dots? They are Wemmicks just like you. What they think really doesn't matter at all, Punchinello. All that matters is what I think. And I think you are pretty special."

He made me just the way I am, and He made my children just the way they are. I'm not sure why I allow the stickers to stick. I think it's because I'm so busy with all the sticker business around me...the facebook, blogging, e-mail, etc, that I forget to visit my Maker. But slowly, this marriage and motherhood gig is teaching me my lesson. I need my Maker. I need God. Obviously, I already knew this, but sometimes in our brokenness, we're so much more aware.

"Punchinello, every day I've been waiting and hoping you would come to see me," Eli explained. Punchinello looked up at him and said, "I came because I met a sweet Wemmick girl who had no marks." Eli said, "I know. Lucia told me about you." So Punchinello asked, "Why don't the stickers stay on Lucia?" Eli said, "Because she has decided that what I think is more important than what anyone else thinks. The stickers only stick if you let them." Punchinello looked puzzled and said, "What?" Eli said, "Yes, the stickers only stick if they matter to you. The more you trust My love, the less you will care about those stickers." But Punchinello said, "I'm not sure I really understand. What you are saying?" The maker said, "You will, but it will take some time. You've got a lot of marks. So for now, just come to see me every day and let me remind you how much I care about you." Eli lifted Punchinello off the bench and set him on the floor. "Now remember," Eli said as the Wemmick walked out the door. "You ARE special because I made you, and I don't make mistakes."

Punchinello didn't stop, but in his heart he thought, "I think He really means it." And each time he remembered what Eli told him and each time he went to visit and talk with Eli, one of Punchinello's dots would fall off. They kept falling off and soon they were all gone!!!