If you've known me for a while, it's probably no surprise that I'm a really non confrontation person (except with my immediate family, of course ;) ). I mean, there are the times when my emotions take over and even though I try with all my might to hold it back, the tears well up in my eyes and give away my feelings. Even then, I tend to just want to avoid conflict with others. I'd rather leave or just say it's okay to make everything better. At times, this behavior isn't necessarily healthy because it does nothing to resolve the situation, but at other times, I think it's definitely appropriate.
As a non confrontational person, I'm usually rather surprised when random people choose confrontation in public settings. Most of the time, they accomplish nothing with their behavior, except maybe some self gratifying comfort in knowing that they made other people feel uncomfortable. Twice in the last couple of weeks I've been caught in one of these akward situations, and quite frankly, I'm over it. Really, why do some people have to be so aggressive?
Christy had a funeral to go to today and I feel like Aubrey has really been missing her buddy Brogan, so I volunteered to take him for a little while. I'm still feeling yuck, so the movies seemed like a good, low key option. There were two free movies playing and we decided to go to Alvin and the Chipmunks. Both theatres were full 15 minutes before showtime. By default, we opted to watch Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium. I had seen the previews and was concerned about Aubrey really being interested in the movie, but we gave it a go anyways. She did really well for the first hour and 20 minutes, but as the movie got a bit sad, she lost interest and was EASILY distracted. She started asking a bunch of questions and just squirming all around. It was obvious that many little ones were struggling with their attentiveness because there was a lot of whining and crying in the audience around us. If you're a mom and you've been there, you know that this is not fun for ANYONE involved. Brogan really wanted to finish the movie so I tried desperately to hold her off to the end of the movie. A box of raisins worked for a while, and then I was relieved when she seemed to find a suitable source of entertainment by putting the booster on the floor and jumping off of it. When she would try to move it around, it was a little noisy, but I tried to keep it still and overall was better than a whiny, loud kid....so I thought. Suddenly, the woman in front of us turns around and says, "Could you keep her still, she's really distracting and we're trying to watch a movie?!"
Seriously?! Were your kids never two? Isn't this a free family movie? I mean, had she paid to watch an adult movie and I had my crying baby, I'd get it, but really, didn't she see I was trying? ...and couldn't she hear the six other crying babies? Usually, I'd just apologize profusely and leave, but I was annoyed--(read: pregnant and hormonal). So I said, "she's two and I'm doing the best I can." Nothing else was said and thankfully the "magic" soon came back to the story and Aubrey was interested again.
Christy had a similar experience on the plane over spring break. Reagan was overtired, uncomfortable and just plain cranky. Her bottle had gotten lost somewhere between security and the plane and she was ticked. Obviously, the situation was not good...for anyone involved, but Christy was the one who had it worst in my opinion. There is nothing worse than feeling bad for your little one and the passengers around you. Eventually she went to sleep, but a lovely middle-aged passenger felt the need to stop Christy on the way off the plane to tell her that she handled the situation all wrong. That a tantrum like that would have NEVER happened with her kids and so on. My sister is a bit more confrontational than me and she told the lady to "write a book and that she hoped they sat by each other on the next plane so she could show her her magic".
I think confrontation is appropriate in some situations. I've been known to tell an unsupervised, cussing child to watch their mouth or mutter something under my breath when 8 people say "excuse me" all the way up to the front of the line because their homie was holding their spot. If my child were in danger or I felt discriminated against, I would definitely say something. But really, when you see the parent trying, when you know they want to end the situation, is it worth it? Show the other moms of the world a little grace.
What do you think?
12 comments:
I agree with you!! I had almost the exact situation that your sister did, happen to me. We lost Juliet's bottle when we were on a 6 hour flight home from Hawaii when she was only a year old. It was miserable... she screamed and cried for at least a solid hour and then fussed on and off until she finally fell asleep. I was given dirty looks and comments that were "whispered" were flying all around me. I hated being in that situation, and if I could have gotten off the plane, I would have. But hello?? We're over the ocean, what am I supposed to do?? LOL.
Also a few months ago a dear friend of mine and I went to the Marketplace for lunch. We sat outside by Baja Fresh and our kids were having fun playing in the planters. They were not being very loud, and they were totally fascinated by the ants on this tree out there. Anyway... this woman and her husband sitting at the table over from us looked me right in the eye and said, "They should NOT be up there, and your children are being SO loud that I cannot even enjoy my lunch." Sheesh! Go sit inside then! I did not really know what to say, so we just tried to keep the kids sitting in their seats until the couple left... I wish we would have just let them go!! Kids should be allowed to be noisy outside!! That's what inside vs. outside voices are for!! hehe!! There's my two cents!!
Barbie- I hear you! Just like Kourtni and your sister...a similar situation happened on the plane ride when Ethan was 6 months. We ran out of formula and the plane was full. Ethan was screaming because he was starving and we couldn't do anything to help him. By the grace of God, another family boarded the plane and had a baby. Fortunatly, she had enough formula for one bottle and was breast feeding, so she willing gave it to me. Sometimes people respond and snap at you like you pinching your kid and trying to make them cry!
All in all, having your humble personality is better than an aggressive one. I wish I would hold my tongue more, at least in situations where you don't know the individual and if they are a christian.
I truly admire your restraint when faced with these situations. As you well know I am a SLIGHTLY more confrontational person so I do not often handle things as well, but I am working on it. I am a firm believer that when you go certain places i.e. children's movies and everyday restaurants, you should fully expect to encounter children and everything that might come with that. However, I do also expect that if I am in a NICE restaurant or in a movie rated PG-13 and older to not have to deal with children running around and under my table or yelling and running up and down the movie isles. As far as a plane situation, what a blessing for those people that never had to deal with their child being upset or uncomfortable and there being nothing they could do about it! Must be nice to be them. Good job Barbie and Christy for your handling of the situations while still keeping your cool.
Now Im scared to take Dallin to the free movies starting up here. He will make Aubrey look perfect. How rude, I mean it was a kids movie, you have to expect noise. Im glad you said something. Poor Christy, Reagan is only 1-thats not an age for a manipulative fit-she obviously needed something. Im sick of the bitties that say rude things and Ive started to say things back. I just cant imagine being that rude to someone. Obviously, there are times when you have to say something like the examples you gave, but I hate when people cant remember how it was to have small kids!
Ha ha I think we could ALL tell a story of a similar situation! Honestly if the kids are being crazy and the parents are doing nothing I get bugged, but when I see parents trying, I SO understand! Kids will be kids =) I get really bugged by smutty comments though ... it is just really hard for some people to be nice I guess!
Good for you for sticking up for yourself and your kid! I totally agree that at a free movie, you should expect kids to be there and be a bit more tolerant.
First of all I am glad you responded to the lady nicely..you communicated without getting irriate or emotional...and responding is good! You know me...and Christy I could just see it now..I was laughing out loud...you know there are times I wish I had the perfect witty little thing to say...but of course it never comes in time...but Christy!I think at times I am too sensitive and emotional...and I was annoyed at a customer the other day so I turned my head to my coworker and gave him the look that says.."ahhh this lady!" and he says "Misha everyones got their own story" so basically we dont know anyones story...I heard about a guy on the train whose kids were out of control and an annoyed passanger said "can't you control your kids" and he said "oh I didnt even notice my wife just died and we just left the hospital" so basically you never know someones story so before confronting someone think about if its worth it...bc of course sometimes it is. It is important to set boundries....And think of how...nice is always best..like you said "I am doing the best I can"
I'm with you there, Barbie. I loved how you put it: "show the other moms of the world a little grace". It's just ridiculous that someone would be upset with you because your kid is not sitting still at a FREE FAMILY movie!! That's one reason I enjoy taking my kids to those movies-- I feel like I don't have to worry about them so much! If you want a perfectly quiet movie experience, then pay $10 and go at night. hehe.
Good for you, standing up to her!
We've all been in similiar situations... and that right there is reason enough to be understanding when we see other moms dealing with the same sort of thing!
Woah- I am still LOL at Christy's comment to the lady on the plane. I can just PICTURE it. Oh yeah, I get SEETHING angry about stuff like that. I mean when it comes to our KIDS especially- we're gonna be protective people- watch out! I think the confrontation thing is a hard thing. Some people could stand to hold back and some people (like me) could actually be more pure in heart by saying something. Usually when people make judgements like the one that lady did in the theatre I'd think to myself ..."if they only knew..." (that you're in your first trimester, that you're doing Christy a favor by having Brogan, that Aubrey is SUCH a sweetie, that you're trying your hardest. That you'd rather be at a day spa for goodness sakes!)
I just don't understand why people feel the need to be rude. I mean the lady could have politely asked if there was any way that you could try to get Aubrey to calm down.. but it was a little rude to just explode out of nowhere. Frankly I'm shocked you said anything! HAHA ;) And Christy did the best she could.. Reagan did nothing wrong, she was drying because of medical reasons. (begin biology lesson ;)) Babies her age have small ear canals and the pressure from an airplane descent or climb makes it painful because the pressure cannot be released fast enough. Crying and eating helps the pressure to dissapate. So they realize that these things work.. since she was nnot eating.. she was crying and it was making her feel better. That was all she knew to do. (end lesson) Ha this is what I get for taking a science class this quarter. Sorry about the rant. :) That was probabaly boring.
Hey Barb, guess what? You're exactly as far along as my sister-in-law! Are you showing yet?
Being known as the "Minkee Queen" I've often thought I should travel with little Minkee blankees to hand out to fussy babies on planes. That almost always works. My DIL told me of a time when she was traveling alone with her two & one was antsy. A nice lady offered to walk him while she tended to her other child. Thankfully there are some nice people out there!
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