30 weeksIt had been a year. A whole year since Justin and I started trying to get pregnant. Two losses later, I was losing patience. I was struggling to understand why God’s plan was so different from my own. It was time to try again, and though I desperately wanted to get pregnant, I wasn’t keen on the idea of a Christmas baby. Once again, God had different plans. Of course, I got pregnant the month that I didn’t want to, didn’t stress about it, didn’t chart, didn’t TRY to make it happen. You think God was trying to teach me a lesson about who was in control? Due January 2nd. Poor baby would have Christmas and a birthday all within a few days, but that was okay; we were having a baby! I still didn’t love the idea of having a Christmas baby, but I DID love this baby with my whole heart.
As my due date approaches, and so does Christmas, I’m more and more thankful for God’s timing in this pregnancy. There’s just something about this time of year that makes you rejoice. There’s anticipation. There’s thanksgiving (the emotion and holiday). There’s the promise of a new year, a new life, a new purpose—the birth of Our Savior. There’s celebration and togetherness. The songs, the story, the family—all a reminder of the greatest gift of all, salvation. And in addition to all of this, a new little life is joining our family.
The other day on my way to work a Christmas song came on the radio. I couldn’t help but tear up as I listened to the words and the anticipation of Christmas filled me. With it, came the anticipation of meeting this baby. I felt so blessed that God would give our family that yearly reminder of how wanted this baby was. A reminder of the heartache that I felt as we lost two other sweet little lives, but the healing that came as we anticipated this baby. A mending of my aching heart so great it’s hard to explain. Though I’m thankful that this baby is a tangible reminder of God’s mercy, I know the healing that I’m provided by this baby pales in comparison. The ultimate redemption, the ultimate healing happened because of a different baby born many moons ago. What a great season for a birthday!
God has blessed us with such a wonderful gift. He really does have perfect timing.
(I butchered one of our family pictures to get my belly shot above - crop, color edit, etc. I only have 5 that Misha e-mailed as a sneak peek and I didn't want to ruin the fun of new family photos for Chrismas cards. :) )
P.S. Don't forget to enter my giveaway in the post below this one. :)
10 comments:
Wow, Barbie!! :****). To list the many qualities in you I admire would be nearly impossible. You did SUCH a good job sharing your heart. It just dawned on me today- the kind of parents you are to Aubrey? Loyal, protective, Incredibly good teachers of God's love and everything else tangible, overflowing with the love you have for her? There will be ANOTHER one who gets to benefit just as much as Aubrey! OH, I am thankful!
I AM DYING TO SEE YOUR PICTURES! I can see that you picked out a darling outfit and your belly looks so cute! Is it a boy or a girl in there? I wonder!
lovely. and gorgeous belly photo!!!!! can't wait to see more! so excited for your little one's arrival!! yay!
such a beautifully written post friend. oh how I too will anticipate this Christmas knowing what a gift God gave for us and YOU this year. So excited to meet this little somebody =)
Christmas is such a special time of year but to also be pregnant with the anticipation of a new child makes it that much more exciting. I can't wait to see your pictures!
Perfect post Barbie =) You made me cry yet again. I love you and can't wait to meet this dear blessing =)
I love how you have the courage to pour your heart and soul out here. I love you and can't wait to meet my little niece of nephew! We will all be incredibly blessed by his/her presence very soon!
P.S. You are amazing! Can't wait to see your pictures!
So I, too, am a Christmas baby...my birthday is 8 days before Christmas. And I have never had a problem with it, nor have I ever known any different. Sure, I get all of my presents at one time of the year, but my parents and now my husband have never tried to combine the two so I have never once felt cheated.
Besides, as I believe you pointed out, isn't God's timing ALWAYS perfect, regardless of what we had in mind?! :) I completely trust that no matter when your new little Bundle arrives, he/she will be loved and celebrated just the same as if he/she had arrived at any other time of the year!
You are such an amazing woman with so much faith and I am very excited for you to have your little holiday baby in your arms soon!
Barbie, what a BEAUTIFUL post. Had me all teary eyed. I LOVE how you get to anticipate the baby along with Christmas. God has blessed you so! Thanks for sharing your heart. Love you!
I love love love this post... and I love your heart, and your attitude, and your perspective. So amazing and wonderful. You are such a strong example and reminder of faith and hope. Thank you for sharing so beautifully with us!!
I know exactly what you mean about Christmas while expecting a little one... Annabelle was born Dec. 23rd, and the whole experience of anticipating Christmas while anticipating my own baby, and then actually getting to celebrate the birth of our Lord with our own brand-new itty-bitty child was just so special and amazing. To this day, I look back on that Christmas as one of my favorite ones ever. It was just so REAL.
My heart is so full of joy for you this time of year as you await your new blessing, and I cannot WAIT to meet this little one who will change your life and finally bring you that moment you've waited for in all you've been through!
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