Welcome to my crazy life!
So this will come as a surprise to everyone reading this (as it also did to me yesterday), but apparently my mom is moving to Florida on Friday...?!? Not that my life has ever been normal, but this is among the top of the CRAZY list. Not only crazy, but hurtful. What about us, her grandchildren, the new granddaughter on the way, her husband? It's hard because I have so many things I want to say about this, be angry about, but ultimately I know that it's just another step in my mom's quest to find the next best thing. She always applies to new jobs (and usually gets them) to just work at them until she finds the next best job and switches to that.
I love her, don't get me wrong. She raised me, took care of me, loves me...but she's lost. Seeking the unattainable by the world's standards. Moving to a different state will not provide her with ultimate satisfaction, just like the new jobs didn't. Leaving CC won't make her happier, just like it didn't the first time. It's not about those things, it's about the emptiness in her heart. The lack of God satisfying her, fulfilling her wants and desires. It's the lack of her turning to Him, trusting Him and knowing Him that is fueling this quest to seek satisfaction elsewhere.
I have a hard time understanding it all...I mean I've been with her on two seperate occassions when she's prayed the prayer, asked God into her heart...was she not genuine? I know she's not going to church or turning to God with her problems, instead she's trying to fill the void on her own. With new people, new activities, a new life. It doesn't make sense. She told my sister she had "no one" here. WHAT THE HECK? Most people that age make their families their world, they retire to take care of their grandkids, they plan family vacations to the beach.... I have to realize it's not about us, it's about her.
I love her and just want her to finally feel the satisfaction that she's spent her whole life seeking. Please pray that she'll find it...maybe Florida is all part of God's plan.
Psalm 107:26 For He satisfies the longing soul, And fills the hungry soul with goodness.
6 comments:
Im so sorry Barbie. I feel so bad for you girls. I would be devastated and have a hard time understanding. I love having mom close and hope she likes it too. Some people have a hard time finding peace in their lives. Whenever I am its because Im not looking in the right place. I will pray for all of you. We love you!
Ahhh... Barbie you have got such insight and understanding. I love you, you are so special. Your Mom is lucky to have a daughter like you and she knows it so give her some space , give her some time. God loves her and has a wonderful plan for her life.....
I love the verse that you included. Man, I am so sorry- my heart hurts for you. You do have such amazing perspective. I'm just sorry it has to hurt so much.
I go through the same thing with my parents. Just neither of them have up and left the state yet. My dad kind of threatens to do so a lot. He always says he's going to retire in Virginia or something. My mom on the other hand has almost left before. In my dad's case I was with him when he genuinely gave his life to the Lord. Then he got a girlfriend and started going to her church. When things started getting tough between them he stopped going altogether. I know that he knows what he needs to do to find peace and fulfillment in his life, so it's frustrating to watch him choose to go after other things.
Barbie, I am so sorry for your pain and frustration. The hardest thing I found as a Christian is to let God change them, especially those we love. Continue with your faith that God will fulfill her emptiness and continue to pray. God's plan and purpose for her will be exposed to her and she will have to acknowledge that He is her only fulfillment. Don't give up...He hears you and He wants her. He will fight longer and harder for her than you can. God is so great and He will rescue her. He is amazing!
Wow Barb, I have to call you, I am soo sorry. Seems like you have really processed your thoughts and that you have a healthy perspective on it all, ultimately you are totally right-its your mom's emptiness that can only be filled with the Lord that she has been trying to fill with everything else, she has always tried to escape everything and look for "the next best thing" when really the loniness is in hersel-in her heart aching for her savior. I am praying for you. Thanks for sharing-keep on praying. (great scripture)
Misha
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