Blessed

First of all, I want to thank all of you for your prayers, your support, your encouragement and most of all, your friendship. I feel very, very blessed to have Christian friends with a strong faith. Friends who love us.

Last night I miscarried Baby Bee. And although I'm crying as I type this, we really do feel at peace with this. I feel like God gave us time to process it, to come to terms with His perfect plan. He started working on my heart at the Mercy Me concert, before I knew anything was wrong. Then yesterday, I read my Bible and as I drew closer to God, I felt more at peace with whatever the results may be. Honestly, it was one of the toughest nights of my life. I am truly humbled by all the woman who have gone through this before. I never realized the intensity of not only having to accept the fact that your baby is no longer growing inside you, but also having to physically face an excrutiating process. The doctor told me that most likely Baby Bee's heart stopped beating about 2 weeks ago. That something wasn't forming right in the embryo and that there was nothing I could have done to cause it or prevent it. Although I wanted to hold out hope when the spotting slowed yesterday, in my heart I had known something wasn't right since the spotting started.

Last night I started to have some major clotting and cramping. I was having regular contractions and I knew that Baby Bee was no longer growing in me. I woke Justin up and told him that I needed to go to the Emergency Room, but I wanted him to stay home with Aubrey until I called him. The ER experience was awful at the beginning. I was literally in labor with intense contractions by myself, in the waiting room for what seemed like an ETERNITY! I was shaking, shivering and crying from the pain and the saddness and I just wanted Justin to be there. Finally, they got me into a room where I called Justin and told him that I needed him. He called Alisha (at 4 am) who graciously came over to stay with Aubrey.

The ER doctor gave me an ultrasound and said he saw no signs of pregnancy. Then he did a vaginal ultrasound where he found the fetus. There was no heartbeat and he said it was really low because of the contractions. I got some pain medicine (PRAISE JESUS) and Justin arrived. I felt a huge amount of relief and peace. Like I was surrounded by God's love. I knew that this Baby wasn't meant to make it to this Earth. That it was in a better place. I would much rather have a miscarriage than a severly disabled child who may have to live in pain. God was in control, and I was able to rest in His arms.

Justin just hugged me and between contractions I would nap. My doctor came in to see me around 8am and he was so gentle and reassuring. If you know my doctor, this is not his usual demeanor. I just kept feeling more at peace. The new nurse was amazing also, and my contractions were slowing down and less intense. I was scheduled for a DNC around noon. This process take about 3 hours with surgery prep, the DNC and recovery. Finally, I was able to come home around 2:30.

I'm grieving the loss of Baby Bee, but honestly we feel so blessed by the peace that God has given us. We know that a lot of this has to do with all the prayers that you guys have been praying for us. Thank you for being such amazing, faithful friends and family. We are so lucky to have God on our side. After all of this, I'm more in awe of the gift of life. How truly fragile and precious it is.