We've been humbled by the outpouring of love that our friends and family have shown. Thank you so much for walking along side us during this difficult time. It's impossible to imagine going through this alone. This process was extremely hard for us, but I guess, in a way, I'm one of the lucky ones that didn't have to carry a baby full term and then lose it, or have a child who is severely disabled, or have a still born baby. God spared me the pain of dealing with any of those heartbreaking scenarios. I know that miscarriages are common. Our doctor said about 1 in every 6 pregnancies miscarry. Most, of course, happen earlier on; some women don't even realize that is what happened. Regardless, it was still heartbreaking and hard. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but I am feeling better. Much better.
Your words, cards, flowers, etc. have kept our minds focused on the blessings around us. Nights are still kind of hard for me, but for the most part I feel back to my normal self. Emotionally, I'm doing okay. I'm still grieving our loss, but I'm hopeful for the future. And I feel much less stressed. I know the outcome, and although it's wasn't ideal, there is no controlling it. Physically, I haven't felt any side effects except for some sleep deprivation (as I was up all night Wed. night) and a nagging headache from the Anesthesia. I'm not looking forward to the akward conversations with people who haven't heard and ask about how the baby is doing. I know I'll be fine talking to them, but no one ever knows how to react when you tell them that you lost the baby. It's just akward.
Tonight was the first night where I felt kind of mopey and sad. We went to a baby shower for a friend from Justin's work. Everyone had already heard and it's just hard to figure out how to react when they say they're sorry for your loss. Do you say "it's okay"? Because really it's not, but it's also not their fault. Of course, I'm happy they acknowledge it, instead of tiptoeing around it and feeling weird. I think I need to figure out how to respond because I'm sure I'll be hearing more of it. Also, although they're really nice and I enjoy hanging out with these friends, it's not the same as being with friends like you guys. You know, friends who REALLY know you, your heart, friends who are Christians, who you can really let down your guard with. So I came home feeling kind of sad.
I am feeling much better though. I'm looking forward to posting some uplifting posts full of pictures and stories from the last couple of weeks. God really blessed me with some fun times with friends and family right before the miscarriage happened. I was keeping busy with crafts, outings, and quality time together. It was yet another step in preparing me to deal with the pain. Something to focus on besides the hurt.
So, thank you once again! And stay tuned for some happier posts....
9 comments:
Sweet Barbie... my heart is still hurting for you so much. you are such a strong woman, and your faith so apparent in this situation. I am so sorry you are having to go through this... I know the days are slowly getting better, but I really am just so, so sorry.
I love you so much, and remember that we are all here for you every step of the healing process!
Thanks for the update Barbie- I was obsessively checking your blog and myspace yesterday. = ) I am REALLY in awe that you went to that baby shower. You are so sweet to keep us updated as to right where your heart is. I hope you're loved on today in a way that you don't have to do a lot of explaining. Love you Barbie!
Like Megan, I check your blog often. It is like a beacon...like an angel is hovering over your blog. You have such grace and poise. My hearts is with you all the way. I'm so reminded of the verse "rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn". I can't help but mourn too, for you are dearly loved.
And yes, we are here for you during your healing. I think it's good that you are able to articulate how you are feeling, so we can better pray for you. Thanks for your honesty and sharing your heart.
It is good to hear how you're doing. I've been thinking of you so much. I think a good response when people say they're sorry is just, "thank you". I wonder if it's just my computer but that box with the music blocks off the first half of your newest post. Is it like that for anyone else? And one other thing - don't worry about happy posts. We love you whether you're posting happy, sad, angry or otherwise.
wow, Barbie-- I am learning so much about you through this whole experience and the things you have shared with us on your blog. And I must say that I am just amazed, and humbled, and blown away. God has given you such grace! Please continue to keep us updated on how you are doing-- you know we are thinking of you so much, and I'm SO glad you feel like you can be open and honest on here, regardless of your mood for that day. I'm praying the Lord will continue to give you much joy and comfort, but also that you will be ok with feeling sad. No matter how common this type of thing is, it is NEVER easy, and I hope you never feel like you have to hide that. I too thought of the verse Davi brought up-- and that's what we're here for. To rejoice with you on the good days, and cry with you when it's hard.
Thank you for posting for all of us again!
Well don't feel like you have to entertain us or write happy posts for us. It's OK to allow yourself to mourn and grieve and we understand. We're here for you where you are at... in happiness and grief.
Barbie! I can't believe you went to the baby shower! You're amazing.
love you,
teri
We are so sorry Barbie. I can't imagine what you are going through right now. You are loved and surrounded. And you are making a choice to see God in this... not everyone would choose that. I am so encouraged by your faith and vulnerability. It's so easy to share the good and hide the bad..but the best comes from being real. And we are all here for you!
Barbie I just checked in and am so so very sad to hear about your loss. Your family will be in my prayers.
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